Reenergizing Your Marriage

Twenty-four years ago on this day, June 20th, 1992, my long cherished dream came true. There I stood at the altar, at the age of thirty-six, waiting for my bride-to-be to become my wife forever. The joy and ecstasy was almost more than I could contain. On that day, for me, I took a major step in making the most of my life. 

I knew early in life that I hadn't been given the gift of singleness. But as the years passed I began to wonder. Was I doomed to be single--forever? In the beginning it had nothing to do with standards or being too picky. It had everything to do with being shy, backwards, insecure, socially unadjusted, or whatever you want to call it. But as the years passed, it became more about viewing marriage seriously. Marriage is a sacred union and divorce is a painful, expensive, and especially for the children involved, a devastating nightmare. This makes finding someone with similar values, minimum baggage (we all have some), and a personality that brightens your day when your world turns stormy and lightens your load when your problems are many, an essential, but difficult, task.

But then, at an unplanned dinner and an unlikely table, I found her. Suddenly she was seated next to me. The seating arrangement was no accident. I attended the dinner because a former classmate talked me into buying a meal ticket. But when I arrived, he and his wife were providentially absent. When I spotted a former classmate, I sat down at his table without noticing the tent card to my left with the name Laura Hampton on it. Providence had determined that the future Mrs. Laura Hampton Fleming should be seated next to me. The higher powers that be, meaning in this case, the Chairman of the Alumni Committee, had decided that each Alumni officer (Laura was the Alumni secretary), should sit at pre-assigned tables. I give thanks to all who helped bring me and my bride of twenty-four years together. 

One of the keys to long marriages is thankful spouses. Are you thankful for your spouse? I certainly am. But what is thankfulness? It's being thinkful. No I didn't misspell the word. We can't be truly thankful without giving thought to the good that has touched us through the spouse who has loved us. Last night, my wife and I revisited our wedding. We spent time reminiscing about the pre-wedding preparation, the wedding itself, the reception, and our honeymoon. With wedding pictures in hand, we did this, not at home, but in a special place we discovered recently. It's called the Plantation House, near Greenville, Ky. This beautiful mansion was all ours from 5:00 p.m. to 11:00 a.m. the next morning. 

New things, new places, and new perspectives can add new energy to relationships. Cards, flowers, candies, meals, and special nights in special places are worth every penny spent in comparison to the cost of a troubled relationship or a devastating divorce in an uncharted future.  

Marriages are like cars. They can be a blessing when they run smoothly, or a curse when they don't. Cars, trucks, and  marriages need maintenance from time to time. Amazingly we don't hesitate to take our vehicles for an oil change, or tire rotation. It's a necessary expense. But what about our marriages?

The best way to keep our marriages running smoothly is by making sure that the main aspect of marriage flows smoothly. For the car it's all about the engine and oil, but for the marriage it's all about the relationship and love. Are you committed, not necessarily to each other, or to the marriage, but to doing the things that keep your love for one another alive? If love dies, so does the relationship. If love thrives, so does the relationship. The dates, the words, the notes, the sacrifices, all the things we did when dating, are the same things that can reenergize our relationship. Healthy relationships make for healthy marriages.

In the end, you can make the most of your life by making the most of your marriage. Don't let your relationship tank run dry, your battery run down, or your love grow cold. Reenergize it, refill it, and re-lubricated it, and be ready to reap the benefits from it.

A Father's Legacy

Today is Father's Day. This special day for dads was first promoted in 1908, after being inspired by the Mother's Day movement. However, unlike Mother's Day, it has had a long uphill battle finding its place in American culture.

It was not recognized by our government until 1966 when President Lyndon B. Johnson issued the first presidential proclamation honoring fathers, designating the third Sunday in June as Father's Day. Six years later, in 1972, it was made a permanent national holiday by President Nixon.

Despite having its own national holiday, society has, largely due to breakdown of the family, down played the importance of fatherhood in recent years. But there is no denying the powerful impact dads can and should have on their children.

We are products of our genetics and environment, and dads play a major role in both. Sadly, many dads have failed to shape their children's environment in a positive way. Many have abandon their parental role, and others have minimized it by seeking fulfillment in careers, wealth accumulation, self-amusement, and self-gratification.

When I first began in the ministry, I had a couple of older ministers tell me of their one regret in  ministry: they wished they had spent more time with their children. I have tried to not make the same mistake even at the risk of criticism from church people.

For me, this Father's Day will be spent like many others. Instead of some self-absorbed activity like getting drunk (I don't drink at all), it will be spent with my children, either playing putt-putt golf, or on a tennis court--this year the tennis court. Making them smile and hearing them laugh, often at my lack of skill, is worth the sore muscles and achy joints I will endure on Monday morning. After burning off many calories on the court, we will then head to the Dairy Queen for ice cream.

In the end, I may not have much money, own a large house, or drive a fancy car when I die. But if I can leave behind memories that are treasured by my children, and values that are ingrained in them, I will have given them a legacy of more value than the rich and famous could ever hope to match.

As I look back on this Father's Day weekend, it's been seventeen years since I last saw my dad. I still think of him often. When I do, the aroma of his treasured after shave lotion, Old Spice, seems to fill the air. Sometimes I think I can feel his coarse whiskers as they rub against my face whenever I gave him a goodbye hug. Memories are a wonderful gift God has bestowed on us. It enables us to keep our loved ones with us to some degree. I treasure the memories, but I wish I could give him one more hug. Since I can't, I'll give my kids one extra hug.

Children with living fathers and fathers with living children have an opportunity to make the most of their lives on this Father's Day. Don't neglect it. Don't blow it. If distance doesn't allow for a visit or joint activity, do Face Time or Skype, or at least a simple phone call.

Why not take a page out of Adam LaRoche's book. The former Chicago White Sox slugger walked away from a contract that would have paid him $13 million this season because team president Ken Williams told LaRoche that he had to limit the time his 14-year-old son, Drake, spent with the team.

As a result, LaRoche, 36, announced his retirement, hinting at the reason behind his decision in a tweet posted that same day. He tweeted, "Thank u Lord for the game of baseball and for giving me way more than I ever deserved! #FamilyFirst."

Where does your family, especially your children fit into your priority list? What have you recently given up for your children? If still living, what have you given up for your dad?

I want to leave you with two things I'm thankful for and two things for you to think about. The first is that although I'm thankful I had a good dad for 43 years of my life, it wasn't long enough. We dads need to take care of our health for our kid's sake. The second is that I'm thankful that my Christian faith gives me the hope of seeing my Dad again. Making the most of life means making the most of this life and having hope of eternal life.

2016 Father's Day with my daughter (Elizabeth) and my son (Evan)