It's Not All About You

"It's not all about you!" Those words caught my attention. They were simple, yet profound. Anti-modern, yet very true. Rejected by many, but needed by all. Like salmon swimming upstream, they go against the currents of today's individualistic philosophies. But they are essential to relationships -- all types of relationships. They are a must for child rearing, spouse caring, and political progress. Without them we will never get the most out of life. Without them our families will become dysfunctional. The government will become deadlocked. Our nation will become a never ending battleground for every self-centered group, flooding the courts with lawsuits, social media with propaganda, and the streets with protesters, all demanding their rights or promoting their causes, with one over-arching goal: the accommodation of any and all unrestrained, uninhibited, self-focused desires, wants, or wishes.

Some simple Google searches, a few hours of media streaming, or a page or two of statistics will bring several truths to light. It's already happening. Although not all, many families are dysfunctional, fractured, and falling apart. Our government is deadlocked to such a degree that voters don't care who they elect as president, as long as he or she will shake up the status quo. Special interest groups are constantly in the news and ever before us demanding their unreal rights, special privileges, and unreasonable accommodations.

Call me an alarmist. Brush me off as an extremist. Label me an old-fashioned, Biblical literalist, who's living in the dark ages, but please don't ignore my words or the current national and global events taking place, and especially, the storm clouds that are gathering on the horizon. Our nation is headed down a dead end. Our families are self-destructing. And time is running out. 

If we fail to embrace and employ these words and this principle, that it's not all about us, the storm will descend, the devastation will occur, and we will become like salmon that fail to swim against the current. No upstream journey equals no salmon spawning. No spawning equals no salmon. If we silence these words and dispose of this principle, our next generation will cease to exist, not as a people, but as a functioning society -- as a democratic nation.

We need to rediscover these words. We need to reinsert them into our vocabulary. We need to embrace them mentally and display them physically. For the sake of our children, they need to hear, we need to say, and all of us need to believe this vital principle: "It's not all about you." And it's not. It's not all about you, and it's not all about me, or anyone of us.

Bee communities, ant colonies, and wolf packs -- all understand the benefit of community and the dangers of individualism, but we highly evolved homo sapiens are giving evidence of devolution. The values we once treasured and the principles we once taught are now considered outdated and unacceptable.

We need to right the ship and return to the basic building blocks of a well ordered society. Why? Because it's not all about you or us. This also invoves the church. We need to teach our children about God and tell them about Jesus' love and sacrificial death, but that's not enough. If we fail to warn them about the sinfulness of self-idolization, and effectively communicate to them the truth of otherness, they will never become effective, positive, culture-change agents that our world needs and all followers of Christ are meant to be. We are called to be salt and light to a dark and sometimes bitter world.  "You are the salt of the earth, but if salt has lost its taste, how shall its saltiness be restored? It is no longer good for anything except to be thrown out and trampled under people’s feet.  You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden" (Matthew 5:13-14 ESV).

Our younger generation will never fulfill God's desire for them if they don't embrace this truth. "Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others" (Philippians 2:3-4 ESV).

Churches divide, families split, and nations fall because they don't believe, teach, and practice this truth: "It's not all about you." My generation understood this. We had family chores, a family car, a party phone line, and one TV shared by all. We didn't get trophies for sports participation, or passing grades for just trying. My siblings and I didn't demand our way by throwing an "I want that" temper tantrums or hold our breaths (my cousin, however, used the breath-holding maneuver very effectively), to get our way. If we did, we discovered the pain of uncontrolled emotions and unchecked desires.

Ted Cunningham

"It's not all about you." These society-nurturing, future-preserving words, all-important words, were spoken at the General Baptist Summit in Bowling Green, Kentucky, this week by Ted Cunningham from Branson, Missouri. He's a pastor who's written several books on marriage and child rearing. Ted emphasized the importance of husbands and wives having alone time, despite the demands of raising children who want all of our attention. He stressed the importance of dads and moms showing their children that life is not all about them. They need to see that mom has a special place in dad's eyes and dad has a special place in mom's eyes.

Children who learn this principle won't grow up to be adult adolescents, wanting much, but contributing little. Unfortunately, we already have a nation full of immature adults in the form of demanding employees, constantly complaining customers, and many unappreciative, but very incendiary citizens. We may be too late, but if we don't at least try, we doom ourselves. We must try to lead our families and friends to a state of other awareness. Be aware of the needs of others. Be concerned about the needs of others. Be willing to help strangers along the way. And most of all be willing to say that which the world fears and the church must say: "It's not all about you."

In actuality, the truth of the matter is -- it's not at all about you or me. Mature Christians believe, and rightly so, that in the big picture, life is not in the least bit about you or me. It's all about Jesus. We make the most of life and get the most out of life when we come to understand that Jesus is what life is all about.

The Great Delusion

Nothing robs us of precious moments and vital time more than blatant lies, disguised deception, and fanciful falsehoods. In contrast, we get the most out of life when we view life clearly, live life rightly, and center our lives purposefully. The key to getting the most out of life is simple: discover what is most important in life and don't waste time getting to it. Hint: it's not about self, regardless of whatever self you identify with.

Unfortunately, everybody's gullible. We are easy pickings for the truth twisters and falsehood fabricators. With a few tweets or a Facebook posting, we are easily scared into a herd mentality stampede that tramples the rights of any dissenters and refuses to engage in meaningful and reasonable dialogue. In essence, we are in a new age -- the age of reason is no more.

Instead of logic and reason being used to influence decisions and opinions about social matters, many now use name calling and intimidation in the form of mob shaming. They plug up their ears and shout their opponents down. They show no respect for others, but demand respect from others.

In the midst of terrorists threatening on every front, cancer and Alzheimer's affecting nearly every family, and racism and violence plaguing our country, special interest groups have identified another enemy, an enemy to be attacked by all. This enemy consists of groups of bigots who threatens our loving nation with hate-filled messages, and unreasonable demands. Who are these unreasonable, hate-filled bigots? In a world where hate does exist and bigots do live, authentic Christians have now been labeled as such. What's their crime? What horrible message or unreasonable demands have they made? They believe in truth. They believe the Bible. They love God more than they love themselves. They seek holiness. They seek what's best for others. They determine right and wrong based on God's wisdom instead of man's sinful, self-absorbing, destructive desires. They see gender being determined by physiological makeup as determined by God and verified by science, instead of by a fluid and ever changing mental and emotional state of an individual.

Up until the last few years logic, reason, science, medical knowledge, and the Bible all viewed homosexuality and transgenderism in the same light. So what changed? Who reprogrammed the matrix? How did we wake up in the Twilight Zone?

Many find themselves bewildered by the rejection of obvious truths and the embracing of indisputable falsehoods. Thankfully, we don't need to remain bewildered. Although the Bible is often accused of being out of date and unrelated to the workings of current events, it amazingly, and adequately addresses and often explains the inexplicable. The following passage may help us to understand what's going on in the world:

"The coming of the lawless one is by the activity of Satan with all power and false signs and wonders, and with all wicked deception for those who are perishing, because they refused to love the truth and so be saved. Therefore God sends them a strong delusion, so that they may believe what is false, in order that all may be condemned who did not believe the truth but had pleasure in unrighteousness" (2 Thessalonians 2:9-12 ESV).

The lawless one is actively pushing his agenda. As his time draws to a close, his actions will increase. This is pointed out in a great book I'm presently reading, Prophecy, Pansexuality and Pandemonium by Li Ann Thio, who is a professor of law in Singapore and works in the fields of constitutional and administrative law, international law and human rights law in Asia. She holds a Master's and Doctorate in Law from Harvard Law School and Cambridge University, respectively. She had a life-changing experience with Jesus Christ as a first year undergraduate at Keble College, Oxford, after which she disavowed humanism and nihilism, and embraced authentic Christianity.

In her book, she addresses the insanity that is sweeping our country. She writes, "This spirit of lawlessness has a primary goal of erasing all the distinctions God has established between right and wrong, male and female, holy and profane" (p. 2).  She further adds on page 3 of her book, "The spirit of lawlessness is not some abstract thing or idea; it is motivated by the lawless one, and it has a spiritual dimension which is expressed concretely through both a legal and political agenda."

I've included a link to a story that reveals the lawless one at work. http://fxn.ws/29tTyzy?fb_ref=Default Don't let the lawless one deceive you. The transgender issue is much more than a matter of who gets to use which restroom. It's not about human rights or dignity. It's about who determines what sex we are, what is right or wrong, and who does have authority. The choices: a holy God or depraved mankind.

The lawless one can't be defeated by the weapons of this world. We can't convince those under his spell to believe the truth and reject falsehoods. Logic and reason don't work in his realm. This is why our dependence must be on God. The apostle Paul aptly put it, "For though we walk in the flesh, we are not waging war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds" (2 Corinthians 10:3-4 ESV).

We must stand for what is right and godly. We must resist the lawless one. We must fight him in the courts, in PTA meetings, on social media, and at work. Most of all, we must fight him on our knees. God is the only One who can change minds, transform hearts, and bring deliverance to the captives. Let us resist the Great Delusion and help others to see it for what it is.

One Nation, Under God

We've just celebrated the birth of our nation for the two-hundred fortieth time. Many appreciate the country we live in and the freedoms we have. Some of us even have a hard time holding back our patriotism, so forgive us for our proud flag waving, and ear shattering, visually dazzling firework displays (yes, I know, you can love your country without fireworks, but it's more fun with fireworks). If our love for our country offends you, then I'm sorry. Oops, I cannot lie, I'm actually not sorry. Loving one's country is not a bad thing. Giving praise where praise is due and thanks where thanks is due is not only not bad, it's the logical thing, the right thing, the honorable thing to do. 

Loving our country doesn't mean we think it's perfect. In fact, our love motivates us to seek its improvement. But what is not right, what is not good, and what should not be, is a denial of the good; yes there is good to be found in our land from sea to shining sea; much good, praise worthy good, giving thanks kind of good. The good is there, yet many show no recognition or appreciation for it.

This greatly disturbs me. Anything that is not appreciated, will eventually be neglected, taken for granted, lost, and/or finally rejected. When relationships are devalued, they become unplugged from their source of power. Consequently, they soon find themselves empty, lifeless, and headed to the relationship graveyard. 

America needs a relationship checkup. Has our love for country grown lukewarm? Does the red, white, and blue waving in the wind fail to stir our emotions? Relationships either grow stronger or drift downward. When they drift, they do so along a pathway overgrown with ingratitude, indifference, and inconsideration. History reveals this to be true of nations. When they take for granted the freedoms they have and the country they live in, they veer down a path paved with complaints, criticisms, and demands, thus creating a toxic atmosphere where neither love, peace, nor freedom can long endure. In the end they stop respecting the rights of others, and become focused solely on their own (so-called) personal rights and wants to the neglect of everyone else's rights. 

When a nation becomes inward focused and it's people self-focused, the rights, the needs, the beliefs, and the well being of others quickly become disposable. Self-idolization creates a political and social black hole whose gravitational pull  shapes and reshapes all laws, rules, and attitudes to accommodate the little self-centered god inside all of us-the god known as "I".  This little god is an enemy of community. He seeks to divide. He demeans others. He demands from others. He decides the fate of others. He separates us from others. Sadly, apart from community, apart from relationships, apart from patriotism, no nation can long endure, no government can long govern, and no power, short of God, can stem the tide.  

Facing the truth is difficult, but necessary. Our future is uncertain. Our enemies are increasing. Our government is largely broken. Our differences are mounting. Our relationships are crumbling. Our love for one another is fading. So what's the answer? How can we turn the tide? How can we become other-focused? What can we do to change within and help others to change without? What will it take for us to love again, to sacrifice for others again, as in the days of old. Our history is filled with men and women who have given materially, physically, emotionally, socially, and sacrificially, both on and off the battlefields, both near and far. What is the key, the solution, the magic formula?  Is it more government money, a better education, or greater political involvement? The answer is found in the past. Those of old recognized it and appreciated it. But will we? Will we be too intelligent, too sophisticated, too educated, to see a simple truth? Will we reject it because it doesn't fit into our value or belief system? Will we deny it because it's been banned from our schools and public buildings? 

The answer is God. It's His grace and His love that transforms cold, uncaring, self-focused, greedy hearts into warm, compassionate, loving hearts that reach out and sacrifice self, and all for the glory of God and the good of others. Our government is of the people, for the people, and by the people; but if there is not love for one another among the people--all the people, it will soon become a nation destroyed by the people. 

Will we celebrate another 240 years? It all depends. Will goodness, love for one another, and self-sacrifice once again characterize our nation? Will we turn back to the God who made us good and, consequently, great?  Why must the answer be God? Because He is the river of life, the essence of good, and the source of love. Our Founding Fathers understood this, but many today deny it. Many are asking can America become great again? I believe it can, but only if it can become good again.

In President Ronald Reagan's address to the National Association of Evangelicals on March 8, 1983, in Orlando, Florida, he said:

...[T]here are a great many God-fearing, dedicated, noble men and women in public life, present company included. And yes, we need your help to keep us ever mindful of the ideas and the principles that brought us into the public arena in the first place. The basis of those ideals and principles is a commitment to freedom and personal liberty that, itself, is grounded in the much deeper realization that freedom prospers only where the blessings of God are avidly sought and humbly accepted.

The American experiment in democracy rests on this insight. Its discovery was the great triumph of our Founding Fathers, voiced by William Penn when he said: ``If we will not be governed by God, we must be governed by tyrants.'' Explaining the inalienable rights of men, Jefferson said, ``The God who gave us life, gave us liberty at the same time.'' And it was George Washington who said that ``of all the dispositions and habits which lead to political prosperity, religion and morality are indispensable supports.''

And finally, that shrewdest of all observers of American democracy, Alexis de Tocqueville, put it eloquently after he had gone on a search for the secret of America's greatness and genius -- and he said: ``Not until I went into the churches of America and heard her pulpits aflame with righteousness did I understand the greatness and the genius of America. . . . America is good. And if America ever ceases to be good, America will cease to be great.''

We are at a crucial junction in our nation. If we continue the path of self-idolization, we will not only cease to be great, we will cease to exist. May we seek the good of everyone. May we seek to be good within. And most of all may we seek the help of the one who is good, for we cannot be good as a nation apart from God. And we cannot survive as a nation apart from being good. The choice is ours. I hope we choose wisely.

Reenergizing Your Marriage

Twenty-four years ago on this day, June 20th, 1992, my long cherished dream came true. There I stood at the altar, at the age of thirty-six, waiting for my bride-to-be to become my wife forever. The joy and ecstasy was almost more than I could contain. On that day, for me, I took a major step in making the most of my life. 

I knew early in life that I hadn't been given the gift of singleness. But as the years passed I began to wonder. Was I doomed to be single--forever? In the beginning it had nothing to do with standards or being too picky. It had everything to do with being shy, backwards, insecure, socially unadjusted, or whatever you want to call it. But as the years passed, it became more about viewing marriage seriously. Marriage is a sacred union and divorce is a painful, expensive, and especially for the children involved, a devastating nightmare. This makes finding someone with similar values, minimum baggage (we all have some), and a personality that brightens your day when your world turns stormy and lightens your load when your problems are many, an essential, but difficult, task.

But then, at an unplanned dinner and an unlikely table, I found her. Suddenly she was seated next to me. The seating arrangement was no accident. I attended the dinner because a former classmate talked me into buying a meal ticket. But when I arrived, he and his wife were providentially absent. When I spotted a former classmate, I sat down at his table without noticing the tent card to my left with the name Laura Hampton on it. Providence had determined that the future Mrs. Laura Hampton Fleming should be seated next to me. The higher powers that be, meaning in this case, the Chairman of the Alumni Committee, had decided that each Alumni officer (Laura was the Alumni secretary), should sit at pre-assigned tables. I give thanks to all who helped bring me and my bride of twenty-four years together. 

One of the keys to long marriages is thankful spouses. Are you thankful for your spouse? I certainly am. But what is thankfulness? It's being thinkful. No I didn't misspell the word. We can't be truly thankful without giving thought to the good that has touched us through the spouse who has loved us. Last night, my wife and I revisited our wedding. We spent time reminiscing about the pre-wedding preparation, the wedding itself, the reception, and our honeymoon. With wedding pictures in hand, we did this, not at home, but in a special place we discovered recently. It's called the Plantation House, near Greenville, Ky. This beautiful mansion was all ours from 5:00 p.m. to 11:00 a.m. the next morning. 

New things, new places, and new perspectives can add new energy to relationships. Cards, flowers, candies, meals, and special nights in special places are worth every penny spent in comparison to the cost of a troubled relationship or a devastating divorce in an uncharted future.  

Marriages are like cars. They can be a blessing when they run smoothly, or a curse when they don't. Cars, trucks, and  marriages need maintenance from time to time. Amazingly we don't hesitate to take our vehicles for an oil change, or tire rotation. It's a necessary expense. But what about our marriages?

The best way to keep our marriages running smoothly is by making sure that the main aspect of marriage flows smoothly. For the car it's all about the engine and oil, but for the marriage it's all about the relationship and love. Are you committed, not necessarily to each other, or to the marriage, but to doing the things that keep your love for one another alive? If love dies, so does the relationship. If love thrives, so does the relationship. The dates, the words, the notes, the sacrifices, all the things we did when dating, are the same things that can reenergize our relationship. Healthy relationships make for healthy marriages.

In the end, you can make the most of your life by making the most of your marriage. Don't let your relationship tank run dry, your battery run down, or your love grow cold. Reenergize it, refill it, and re-lubricated it, and be ready to reap the benefits from it.

A Father's Legacy

Today is Father's Day. This special day for dads was first promoted in 1908, after being inspired by the Mother's Day movement. However, unlike Mother's Day, it has had a long uphill battle finding its place in American culture.

It was not recognized by our government until 1966 when President Lyndon B. Johnson issued the first presidential proclamation honoring fathers, designating the third Sunday in June as Father's Day. Six years later, in 1972, it was made a permanent national holiday by President Nixon.

Despite having its own national holiday, society has, largely due to breakdown of the family, down played the importance of fatherhood in recent years. But there is no denying the powerful impact dads can and should have on their children.

We are products of our genetics and environment, and dads play a major role in both. Sadly, many dads have failed to shape their children's environment in a positive way. Many have abandon their parental role, and others have minimized it by seeking fulfillment in careers, wealth accumulation, self-amusement, and self-gratification.

When I first began in the ministry, I had a couple of older ministers tell me of their one regret in  ministry: they wished they had spent more time with their children. I have tried to not make the same mistake even at the risk of criticism from church people.

For me, this Father's Day will be spent like many others. Instead of some self-absorbed activity like getting drunk (I don't drink at all), it will be spent with my children, either playing putt-putt golf, or on a tennis court--this year the tennis court. Making them smile and hearing them laugh, often at my lack of skill, is worth the sore muscles and achy joints I will endure on Monday morning. After burning off many calories on the court, we will then head to the Dairy Queen for ice cream.

In the end, I may not have much money, own a large house, or drive a fancy car when I die. But if I can leave behind memories that are treasured by my children, and values that are ingrained in them, I will have given them a legacy of more value than the rich and famous could ever hope to match.

As I look back on this Father's Day weekend, it's been seventeen years since I last saw my dad. I still think of him often. When I do, the aroma of his treasured after shave lotion, Old Spice, seems to fill the air. Sometimes I think I can feel his coarse whiskers as they rub against my face whenever I gave him a goodbye hug. Memories are a wonderful gift God has bestowed on us. It enables us to keep our loved ones with us to some degree. I treasure the memories, but I wish I could give him one more hug. Since I can't, I'll give my kids one extra hug.

Children with living fathers and fathers with living children have an opportunity to make the most of their lives on this Father's Day. Don't neglect it. Don't blow it. If distance doesn't allow for a visit or joint activity, do Face Time or Skype, or at least a simple phone call.

Why not take a page out of Adam LaRoche's book. The former Chicago White Sox slugger walked away from a contract that would have paid him $13 million this season because team president Ken Williams told LaRoche that he had to limit the time his 14-year-old son, Drake, spent with the team.

As a result, LaRoche, 36, announced his retirement, hinting at the reason behind his decision in a tweet posted that same day. He tweeted, "Thank u Lord for the game of baseball and for giving me way more than I ever deserved! #FamilyFirst."

Where does your family, especially your children fit into your priority list? What have you recently given up for your children? If still living, what have you given up for your dad?

I want to leave you with two things I'm thankful for and two things for you to think about. The first is that although I'm thankful I had a good dad for 43 years of my life, it wasn't long enough. We dads need to take care of our health for our kid's sake. The second is that I'm thankful that my Christian faith gives me the hope of seeing my Dad again. Making the most of life means making the most of this life and having hope of eternal life.

2016 Father's Day with my daughter (Elizabeth) and my son (Evan)